There’s a fight between my heart and soul
When my pride tries to take control
It’s hard to see what I was meant to be
And we are
Living in a world without a cause
And there’s a me that seems impossible
But I can hear
I hear You calling me
To raise a banner of love
Up high in the city streets
One hope for all the world to see
Be my banner of love
This love is the burning flame
One voice crying out Your name
You’re my banner of love
You’re my banner of love
Only You can see my destiny
And only You can be the strength I need
‘Cause my life is Yours, God
So goodbye to pride and bitterness
I’m gonna live out my purpose
‘Cause Your life has shown me how
I want to show Your love
I want to lift You higher
I want to reach out and touch this world
We gotta reach out and love this world
We’re gonna bring Your love
We’re gonna lift You higher
We’re gonna reach out and love Your world
These are things we learn how to build in ourselves as we gain more relationships and continue to renew older ones. I’m not talking romantic- because, phew- if we plan to devote this sort of love onto our significant other, then shouldn’t we first be able to simply foster the same connection with our friends and family— the people we already adore and cherish the most in this season of life?
Pleasant boundaries. It seems like a contradiction. But the messages I’ve heard on this were potent. In focusing on the boundaries, then of course, I will feel restricted, constrained and bound. But looking beyond all these boundaries— there an emptiness of relationship, brokenness of bonds, loss of self. This so called restriction has protected me. And inside these boundaries are flourishing and plentiful blessings. There is security in knowing what is right and wrong. There is opportunity to love others respectfully and allow for growth. And in this, there is clear purpose and true life.
What is this boundary? It could be confidentiality in words shared. It could be preventing myself from doing something that would cause that other person to fall- in one way or another. It could be holding back from saying or doing something that would most definitely hurt someone. It could even be devoting myself to talk to this person often enough that we could be mutually known.
Without struggle, without active pondering of the bonds we make with other people, these things can’t be proven to be true. But in times of hard confession and in times of difficult decisions are these characteristics made true in ourselves and in the people with which we’ve also associated these trait.
“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” -Psalm 16:5-6
Mmm, life is sweet.
-procrastination station choo choo!-
All the little steps I’ve taken have snowballed and avalanched into what is my life now. The step to get out of my comfort zone and go to Berkeley away from my family, far from home, and with the risk of accumulating much debt & failing for the sake of the college experience. Yeah, I didn’t know what I was doing then, but everything is clearer in hindsight right?
Who would have known that I would grow a little more of a heart? Actually concern for anyone other than myself? And instead of trying to shift blame on someone else, actually try to let advice and pearls of wisdom seep into my selfish, shriveled life, so that I can learn to make room in my heart and limit myself for the sake of someone else?
But it’s still an ongoing struggle! a struggle I’m glad to be in. Haha, of course, I am and will continue to be a work in progress, being molded and shaped by God’s word and God’s people as I continue through my life. I’m assure that yeah, I won’t know what to do and where I’m going to go all the time, but I have a solid foundation that I can trust.
Man, I thank my gullible and undirected senior self who took that step to shove all securities aside in the hopes that I would get even a tiny more of a glimpse of true living.
rest easy, rest easy, rest easy, my friend”
— Tim Be Told - “Rest Easy”
“Y’know, I know people who go to Berkeley Christian and return pagan.”
In the kitchen of a church during a youth rally, just hanging out with a couple of people, this was the reaction to my college decision.
It was a joke, I get it- but coming from this young up-and-coming paster, this was pretty shocking to me. It gave me an image of Berkeley as that typical party college, leaving none untouched in it’s midst. But y’know, my experience has proven this notion… flipped it and smooshed it!
After interpraise and gospel choir and tonight’s FCS concert, I thought about how many fellowships, how many churches, how many groups… just how many people on the Berkeley campus have been affected by the gospel message and now are taking the effort to really reach out to spread it. Each group with it’s unique people and approach to Christian living. And I can’t help but step back in awe.
But this isn’t to dismiss the fact that there are still many questions unanswered and people who are still deluded, lost & seeking. So we carry on.
escaping this escapism.
It seems harmless, this scrolling. The occasional break, the almost automatic typing of certain URLs, and the constant update on other lives. But it turns into idleness quickly.
ahhh, rescue me from myself.